Does Whatever A Spider Can 2

Rooftops

Spider-man stopped in mid-swing, dangling. Suddenly it became very apparent to the wallcrawler the he wasn’t in New York City anymore. New superheroes aside, he knew they weren’t constructing a giant “T” anytime soon. Furthermore, he couldn’t see a single familiar building. Spider sense knocked him out of his surprised state as Shade came at him on a shadow platform. Tackling him, Shade tried to hold Spider-man until somebody stronger came along. Spider-man shot a thing of webbing onto Shade’s sunglasses, sticking them to his face and blinding him. He COULD pummel the boy…but they were just trying to be heroes. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, nothing more.

Shade: ARGH! Son of a god damn…
Spider-man: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Shade: She’d sooner drown me in a river…

Spider-man jumped off the platform as Shade tried to cut the webbing with his claw like nails. Starfire clotheslined him, knocking the air out of him.

Starfire: I know not who you are, but I will not allow you to escape!
Spider-man: (cough) Aren’t you cold? It’s winter for crying out loud…

Spider-man struggled with Starfire, but she was stronger then he was by quite a bit. Robin and Cyborg watched from below.

Robin: Looks like it won’t be long now…
Cyborg: Damn, man…I wanted another shot at him.

Raven landed next to them, making all sorts of muffled noises.

Robin: Relax, Raven. Starfire’s got it.

Raven smacked herself in the forehead and held up the X-rang. Robin took it, surprised.

Robin: Where’d you find this?

Raven pointed back where she had come from, then back up at Spider-man and Starfire, making more noises.

Cyborg: So Red X is working with this guy?
Robin: Not Red X’s style…which means…oh damn.

Starfire brought Spider-man down, pinning him against the street.

Spider-man: Now this is a compromising position…
Robin: Starfire, stop!
Starfire: Pardon?

Robin sighed. He hated being wrong. Oh how he hated it.

Robin: …this guy didn’t rob the store. Red X did.
Spider-man: Told ya.

Starfire stood up, helping Spider-man to his feet.

Starfire: My apologies…I had jumped to conclusions.
Cyborg: We all did.
Spider-man: Meh, happens all the time.

Shade and Raven approached, Shade having been informed of the revelation through Raven’s mind link with him.

Shade: Yeah, cheers all around. Now can you get this stuff off?!

Raven nodded in agreement, muffled words coming out.

Spider-man: Yeah…you can’t take it off. It’ll decay on its own…in a couple of hours.
Shade: A COUPLE OF HOURS?! Why you…!

Shade promptly smacked into a wall in his attempts to reach Spider-man.

Shade: Son of a bitch!
Spider-man: Hey, who attacked who? You’re lucky I didn’t just clobber you.
Robin: So who are you anyway?
Spider-man: I’m the Amazing SPIDER-MAN!

Raven rolled her eyes and said something muffled. Shade sat up.

Shade: Raven comments on your lack of modesty.
Spider-man: Would you rather I said “Spectacular”? This might sound a bit weird…but…where are we? …this doesn’t look like New York.

The Titans looked at each other, confused.

Cyborg: New York is all the way on the other side of the country, man.
Spider-man: Well, that’s just great. How am I supposed to get back to New York? I left my wallet and passport in my other costume.
Starfire: I have it! We shall provide you with the lift!

There was silence for a moment as Spider-man stared at her.

Spider-man: Provide me with the lift?
Shade: She’s an alien. She knows the English language, it’s forming the sentences that causes problems.
Spider-man: …sure, I can go along with that. Well, alright. Guess I’ll take you up on that offer. Going to take a wild swing at it…but you guys live in that huge “T” over there, don’t you?
Cyborg: Let’s go back and pick up BB and Terra before they get pissed. We can do introductions later.

Titan Tower: Bathroom

After they arrived at the tower, Spider-man asked where the restrooms were. Actually, he called it the “Little Spider’s Room” but, that’s beside the point. He didn’t need to go, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with him. He pulled his mask off and was stunned. Looking back at him was a teenager. Somehow that thing the Goblin used turned him into a teenager! But how? It made no sense at all. Sighing, he pulled his mask back on. He couldn’t go back home now. Mary Jane would have a fit if she found herself married to somebody who was too young to even drink. Well, this really made things complicated. He wandered back to the main room where the Titans were waiting.

Spider-man: …okay…having a slight problem here.

Beast Boy and Terra glared at him from their spot on the floor, still stuck together.

Beast Boy: YOU’RE having a problem?!
Terra: What do we do if one of US has to use the bathroom, Sherlock?
Spider-man: Your problem will be gone in an hour or so. I’ve been turned into a teenager by whatever brought me to…where am I again?
Robin: Jump City.
Spider-man: Okay, Jump City. I don’t know how, but I’ve got to fix it. I’ve got a wife at home and she’s not going to be happy being married to…I dunno, a sixteen year old. Wild guess, can’t be sure.
Cyborg: I could run some tests on him…find out what’s wrong with him.
Starfire: But we have not yet properly introduced ourselves…

Starfire flew up to Spider-man, hands clasped.

Starfire: I am Starfire, it is most delightful to meet you.
Spider-man: Uh…yeah. Right back at you.
Starfire: The masked one is our leader, Robin. Next to him stands Cyborg, who handles our technology.

Spider-man was pretty impressed by the technology Cyborg was made from, but he said nothing about it. Science geek he may be, he figured Cyborg might be a bit sensitive on the subject.

Starfire: Bound together in your webbing is Beast Boy and Terra.
Beast Boy: My nose itches and I can’t reach it!
Starfire: The blinded one is Shade and the pale one is Raven.

Raven tapped her fingers on the arm of the couch. Her eyes darted over toward Shade. He sighed.

Shade: She says “it’s a pleasure” in an extremely dull and sarcastic fashion.
Spider-man: You got all that from a glance?
Starfire: They share a mental link. Raven can transmit her thoughts to him at will.
Spider-man: Must be awkward.
Shade: I can block her if I want to.

Raven threw her shoe at his head. He yelped and rubbed the spot it hit. Holding out her hand, it returned to her.

Shade: I’m not telling him everything! Come on, don’t be like that just because he gummed up your mouth.
Spider-man: What was that about?
Starfire: Oh, this is quite common for them. Their relationship is…curious.
Terra: In other words, she’s a bitch and he takes it because he has no spine.
Shade: If I knew where you were, woman…

Terra laughed as Raven and Shade fumed.

Killer Moth’s Basement

Killer Moth leaned back in his chair until it was balancing on two legs, putting two feet up on his desk. Okay…so the “transforming people into insect minions” plan didn’t work out the way he wanted. It was all the Titans fault. Then again, when WASN’T it the Titan’s fault? Stupid kids. He liked it better when Batman beat him. It sounded better when you had to explain why your plan failed to somebody. So what should his next plan be? Perhaps a hypnotic substance created from insect pheromones in the water supply? Or maybe a device to mutate all insects in the city into giant monsters that will follow his bidding? Yeah, that was a good one…but how the hell would he do that? Man this villain stuff was hard sometimes. His half hearted plotting was cut off as the basement entrance opened.

Kitten: DADDY!

Startled, Killer Moth toppled backwards. Groaning, he stood up as Kitten stomped down the stairs.

Moth: What is it, cupcake?
Kitten: Daddy, Fang got arrested again!

Another groan came from Killer Moth’s insect-like mandibles. What did she SEE in that boy? Being a mutated freak was one thing, but he had a giant SPIDER for a head! Not to mention that spiders and moths weren’t great pals either. Furthermore, the kid kept getting caught. Annoyance…that’s all he was.

Moth: Well, what do you want me to do about it? Send more bugs to break him out again?
Kitten: No! I want you to give ME super powers so I can break him out!

Killer Moth’s mandibles hung open. That was the last request he expected her to make. Not that it was a bad one, nor was it one he hadn’t considered before. But who wants to send their little girl out into danger, right?

Moth: Uh…what did you have in mind?
Kitten: I want to be strong! Fast! Powerful enough to take down even ROBBIE-POO!
Moth: …why do you still call him that?
Kitten: What?
Moth: I mean, he dumped you. Why still call him a pet name?

Kitten opened her mouth to respond but trailed off. She closed it, a thoughtful expression on her face. Shaking her head, she waved her hand dismissively.

Kitten: That’s not important!

She grabbed her father by the antenna. This caused pain and a loss of balance.

Kitten: GIVE ME SUPER POWERS!
Moth: ‘kay…

Titan Tower: Med-lab

Spider-man was in awe. The equipment here was amazing. Not on par with the stuff in the Baxter Building…or was that the Freedom Four Plaza? It was something like that…but it was impressive. Cyborg was messing with the equipment while Raven prepped a needle to take a blood sample. Suddenly she grabbed the webbing on her face and pulled. She even employed her powers. After a struggle it finally crumbled.

Raven: At last! I felt it starting to crumble. Ugh. Tastes terrible…
Spider-man: I’ll have to remember to make it cherry flavored next time.

Raven grumbled, not finding it amusing in the least. Well, she had a way to even the score. She picked up the needle and rolled Spidey’s sleeve back. Swabbing the spot with an alcohol soaked piece of cotton, she prepared the needle. Time to patronize.

Raven: Little prick.
Spider-man: No pleasing some women.
Raven: Wh…? …oh you pervert.
Spider-man: Who’s the pervert? The one who comes up with the joke, or the one who gets it?
Raven: The pervert is the one who thinks it up. I get it because I’m living with four teenage boys.
Spider-man: …got me there.

Raven jammed the needle into his arm, making him yelp.

Raven: Was that too rough for you, big boy?
Spider-man: And you call me a pervert…

Raven shrugged and drew the blood from his veins, handing it over to Cyborg. Raven walked back over to where Spider-man was and leaned against the wall. Spider-man found the silence uncomfortable and began talking, as he usually did.

Spider-man: So…why so pale? You bathe in white out?
Raven: It’s result of my genetics, genius. You’ve got spinnerets in your arms and you judge me for being pale?

Spider-man shook his head and waved his finger.

Spider-man: Ah, ah, ah. Webshooter devices on my wrists…which reminds me…you guys got a chemistry set around here? I need to mix up some webbing before I run dry. I used a lot on you guys.
Raven: …ask Robin. He’s constantly making gas bombs and such.
Cyborg: I’m not getting much from your blood sample…other then what I’m guessing is from your powers.
Spider-man: Yep. I’ve got radioactive blood.
Raven: How exactly did you get to Jump City?
Spider-man: Well, I was fighting the Green Goblin…

The blank looks on their faces told him that they had no idea who the Green Goblin was.

Spider-man: Dressed like a green goblin in purple clothes? Flies on a bat glider? Throws pumpkin bombs?
Cyborg: Never heard of him.
Raven: …
Spider-man: He’s one of my regulars. Anyway, he had stolen some teleporting doohickey and I was trying to stop him. During the fight I hit some buttons on the thing and “ZAPPO” here I am.
Raven: …zappo?
Spider-man: That’s how it sounded to me. You know the rest from there. I saw the guy trying to steal the jewels and I fought him.
Cyborg: Hmm…maybe if we run a scan on you, we can pick up any energy signatures.

Main Room

After tugging and pulling, Starfire managed to rip the webbing off of Terra and Beast Boy. Terra rolled over and scratched Beast Boy’s nose. His leg thumped on the floor, making her giggle. He shifted into a puppy and Terra sat up, scratching his stomach. Starfire joined her, much to Beast Boy’s delight. Shade snorted from his spot from the couch, having finally removed the sunglasses…by breaking them. He had twenty more anyway.

Shade: Have some dignity.

Beast Boy shifted back and sat up, scowling. Terra sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing what was coming. This always happened. Starfire shrugged and left, deciding to see what her new friend was up to.

Beast Boy: Hey! I’m just having fun with my girlfriend!
Shade: You’re degrading yourself.
Beast Boy: You’re one to talk. You let Raven smack you around and tell you what to do…

Shade shrugged.

Shade: That’s different.
Beast Boy: How?
Shade: She’s degrading me. I’m not doing it to myself.
Terra: But you let her to it. Why not lay down some ground rules? I mean, she’s got to respect you too, you know.

Growling, Shade clenched his fists. They were double teaming him now. Just what he needed. Ground rules…like she’d accept them. It wasn’t her fault. She had demonic blood in her veins. Violence was in her nature. If she had to smack him a little to control herself around others, so be it. While her powers no longer went wild with her emotions, self-control was still an issue. If Raven became too angry, she’d shift into rage mode and attack what angered her. Too afraid and she shift into timid mode and run away. Too happy…well, that would never happen. Raven was too depressing. Besides…Raven provided him with something he never really had before. She was an anchor that kept him from drifting into the darkness in his own mind. Only she knew of his problem. Starfire had a vague idea and Robin probably suspected it, but Raven he actually told the whole thing to. Shade’s power came at a price. It affected his mind and body. He controlled it well, but little by little he had been losing himself. Raven’s affections helped hold him in the light. If she broke up with him…it would be like being in a whirlpool. As such he didn’t like anything getting between them. Jericho was an extremely nice sort, and as such seemed to be somewhat flirtatious with the ladies. He wasn’t though. Giving flowers, holding open doors, that was just how he was. Shade, however, mistook his actions as flirting…so he punched the blonde in the jaw. Raven was furious with him, both for hurting the poor boy and for assuming that she would think of betraying him over a daisy. …she liked black roses better. There was Raven being upset, and then there was furious. When she was furious, she didn’t shift to rage mode…no, she would verbally rip him a new one for about five minutes before storming off and refusing to talk to him for as long as she was still mad. This could be anywhere up to a few hours to three weeks (longest to date).

Shade: I LIKE my relationship with Raven. Butt out.
Beast Boy: …I knew it. He’s one of THOSE types.
Shade: What types?

Terra and Beast Boy exchanged glances.

Terra: Yep. Definitely one of THOSE types.
Shade: (annoyed) WHAT types?

The two bit back snickers. This would go on for a while.

Laboratory

Spider-man sighed, his mask lifted over to his nose. Robin tried to tune the conversation out. It was rude to listen in on somebody over the phone, after all. Spider-man had suddenly asked for a phone. Bruce had gotten him a cell phone for his birthday a while back, so he lent it to the wallcrawler.

Spider-man: They’re working on it now, honey. Yeah, I know. I said the same thing. Yeah, I’ve never heard of them either. It’ll be fine, trust me. They’ll figure it out, fix the problem, and I’ll be home in no time. Uh...um…just tell them I’m visiting a sick friend. That usually works. I’ll be fine. Yeah, I will. …

Spider-man’s voice dropped to a whisper.

Spider-man: (whisper) I love you too. (normal) Well, he’s standing right there. It’s embarrassing. Hello? Honey? …great…I’m in trouble.

Spider-man hung up the phone, sighing.

Robin: How’d she take it?
Spider-man: Pretty good, really. She’s kind of used to it.
Robin: She a superhero?

Spider-man thought for a brief second. There was a joke in this somewhere. Nobody likes to leave opportunity getting all pissed off because it knows you’re home and you’re not answering the door.

Spider-man: Actually she’s sort of a super villain. Once a month, she becomes all powerful and I can’t hope to defeat her.

Robin stared at him for a minute, eyebrow raised. Spider-man sighed.

Spider-man: It’s a joke. Man, I must be out of touch with the kids…
Robin: We’re about the same age now.
Spider-man: …then…I’m out of touch…with myself…wow, that’s a headache waiting to happen. So, what have you got here?

Robin went to the computer and pulled up the inventory window. Spider-man started going through it. It was a fairly long list.

Robin: That’s everything since last count. Will this work?
Spider-man: I made my first batch of webbing in my room. With this stuff, I could make all sorts of webbing.
Robin: Actually, I’m curious as to how it’s made.
Spider-man: Sorry, trade secret. I tell you, you tell somebody else, next thing I know, it’s being sold on infomercials at one in the morning with a bamboo steamer.
Robin: …you remind me of Deadpool.

Spider-man almost dropped the chemicals he was holding. He whirled around, sticking his finger in Robin’s face.

Spider-man: Hey, hey, hey! I was here first! Deadpool copied ME. …well, not the killing part. That he took from the Punisher. …and the healing thing was Wolverine…
Robin: You realize I have NO idea who you’re talking about, right?
Spider-man: Really? Wow, you need to get out more.

END PART TWO